Much for a rant?

Aside from the slander and hate speeches against Wal-mart and McDonalds, and in general all other corporate targets that have been accused of corrupting and destroying our planet and its fragile micro/macro economies, there are ways that we can all help to set things right. I feel quite ashamed of how consumerism alone has shaped the growth of corporate market shares to the point that the “at all costs” approach has become accepted. You can watch all the documentaries out, I have seen my share, but still I find that there isn’t much I can do but support the right causes and buy only from what I support (but habits are hard to break). But there are countless web sites aiming to coordinate support for the just as numerous causes. To name a few I support:

http://www.eff.org/ – “EFF is the leading civil liberties group defending your rights in the digital world.”

http://www.credoaction.com/ – Part of an organized network supporting just causes through its own mobile, credit card, and long distance company. Just sign up for email updates on pressing issues and as simple as one click you can send a pre-written email to the right people to make change happen.

http://www.takepart.com/ – Is a public fora to making public world affairs and topical climates with the ability to bring change through social action and publication.

It’s impossible to say that you don’t care about your own future, and you may not be willing to take time to support various causes, but it is important that you know what is going on in this world so that you do find something worth standing up for.

Ugh, Tired of pain

I don’t mind pain, I’m exceptionally good at putting it to the back of my mind and working through it but some days are rough. Today is one of those days.  Both knees hurting and my left one is refusing to hold my weight (165lbs), my right ankle is burning for some reason unknown, my chest is stabbing like my heart is about to explode and as always my jaw is killing me with pains and giving me a headache that makes me wish for only a migraine. I feel like a cadaver thrown from a building that has had life breathed back into them and forced to walk on among the living. I don’t really use pain medications, but tonight those little yellow pills will take the edge off. I don’t even care about the pain my back is giving me anymore, or my digits. I know few people that have taken as much abuse as I have. Just ranting until the medicine takes. And yes thats an xray of My jaw above. Don’t ask how much it cost to put me back together.

Curing Boredom w/ Gimp

Been reading Goethe, stories and poems on the human condition. It’s kind of weird how long it took me before I realized that I was ‘human;’ I always saw myself immune to pain and sickness until I was about 17 I think. I just know I treated my body like dog treats its chew toy. Through the daily pains and emotional battering I’ve taken, I still find some comfort reading about misfortune and moral stories of comic and romantic tragedies. Only if I could soon find my calling and place in life, something to cement my past where it should stay. I don’t have aspirations to be an artist, I do want to try my hand at writing a novel, but mostly I want to become good at everything I care to try and do it without gaining attention. In the story of Faust, a German intellectual, Faust picks his head up from a book to find himself as always in his dark study locked away from the world and with nothing to show for his accumulated wealth of knowledge. After venturing outside one day, he is followed home by a spirit that transforms into a human figure. This human figure offers him the world at his fingertips, but Faust being old and having missed out on so much life has to offer asks for youth and pleasure. The devil tells him he cannot be made young again but offers him all the pleasures and confidences of youth, at a price of coarse. And you can imagine where it goes, I feel like I might be in regret for my ‘wasted’ time spent reading and watching movies in the comfort of my home; I’ve lost a lot of friends this past year and haven’t cared to fill the void just yet. But… It’s a new year.

Must see in 2010

In no particular order, here are the movies of 2010 that I cannot wait to see. I will of coarse be updating this post as I find more or see more trailers of upcoming movies.

Alice in Wonderland – Release Date: Friday, March 5th, 2010

Prince of Persia – Friday, May 28th, 2010

Twilight Eclipse – Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 – Friday, November 19th, 2010

Tron Legacy – Friday, Dec 17th, 2010

Day Breakers – Friday, Jan 8th, 2010

Legion – Friday,Jan 22nd, 2010

Percy Jackson & the Olympians – Feb 12th, 2010

Clash of the Titans – Friday, Mar 26th, 2010

And just to mention a few others…

Robin Hood – Friday, May 14th, 2010
Iron Man 2 – Friday, May 7th, 2010

After a while

So I’ve been reading much, much more than I usually do. I’ve gone through the whole twilight series in just a matter of a few weeks and I’ve left those to re-read the comedies and tragedies of shakespeare which I will get to, right after I finish reading through Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe’s Faust. Faust is so far a great read, and has been one of my favorite stories of all times for I don’t know how long. The tragedy of Faust was written in many different verse forms throughout the whole, and after reading just the first one hundred pages of rhymed plot I find that all my words begin to rhyme as well. Kind of second hand after sticking my nose so deep in the book, it feels like brain washing, lol. So with this, I have been studying these with reason to enhance my writing and story telling ability, and got bored as I always am and wrote some things out. So here’s a lame little poem that I wrote, and as if it weren’t enough to kill time I put it together for an image with tha gimp.

Basking in this Radiance

I find exulting, more than enjoying, this current climate. Burying my head in books, drowning my ears in music and basking in this wonderful change in the weather. No longer constricted to the bounds of my home, carrying now a greater outlook into my personal and work life. Followed by the same nightmares but more than willing to make something of my time on my feet. Peering blindly into the future, expecting nothing and taking nothing momentary for granted. I feel much the same, but still like new; forgiving with out forgetting. No time for hope or thought, just acting to live.

I feel my senses returning; my compassion and sympathy, understanding and acknowledging with less anger and fear. Thinking out my every move, thinking about who I  am being. Because what I have become is blasphemous to myself. Seeking once again my family who are always accepting, filling my soul until I can control myself enough to begin new friendships. To ashamed now with how many friends I have lost, I haven’t known anyone recently who wanted to know me and Now is the time to change that.

I will rebuild my wings of feather and wax, and this time I will know my limits. I will no longer be so petulant, I will regain my temper. I will be true to myself.

Days like these!

Today’s one of the days I love being manic, sounds silly but you do not know how UP i feel! My favorite music blasting in my head, the constant adrenaline bouts and just an overall feeling that all is good. So good in fact that I took the effort to help out a bunch of ppl at work, cook lunch for a not so well off co-worker, and post this blog. Hope everyone else is having a great day as well!

A day like many

Clenching my jaw, tightening my lips, fists bunched and head toward the ground; I don’t want to be engaged in conversation. Angry, no. Depressed, not so much, its just a general feeling of  melancholy. My frustration with questions, my silence, and my attempts to go unnoticed are all overlooked and make for a long day. I feel like shit, and probably look it, but I don’t care. Dragging myself through another eight hour day at work feeling this way is taking its tole. Why is it the people that constantly screw me over that all of a sudden want to know ‘what’s wrong.’ I wish I could just say, “Nothing, now go the fuck away!” I bite my tongue, I hold my breath, and sigh it out. I just wait for my examiner to leave, or at least stop staring before I slump back into my head where I am comfortable and oblivious to, everything. I make it through the ‘day,’ getting home I shower and indulge myself in movies, reading and sometimes I just feel a little more creative. I know that tomorrow I will be very caustic and everyone will hate me, but the next I will be out going and laid back. I can understand why I don’t keep friends, who I never get angry or rude with, and I know I’m capable of shutting off my craziness. For me, every emotion and feeling is savored. I don’t mind depression, unless it gets bad or carries on too long(as it has before). This has become a rambling of how i feel, though i didnt want it to be soo, ima push the cerulean blue button.

In case you misunderstood

It’s been a long day. And it’s about at its end, I’m driving home now. Checking my mirrors, weaving around slow cars I can help but see your bright yellow car parked in front of the Chilis. I lose my breath just as my anger rushes up to my face to wake my arms into action. Throwing the wheel I dive across the road, tires squealing, and whip around into the first parking spot I find. Taking a moment to gather myself before opening my door. As I get out I run through my head just what I plan to do. I see this going bad quickly, not meaning for a scene but I can’t let this go any further. I get to the door and the noise of the crowded restaurant hits me, my judgement now out the window. I make my way towards the back side of the restaurant, seeing the red hair of what I think is to be who I’m looking for. I’m at the table before, it’s her! I sit next to the man across from her, taking a fry from his plate I chime, “so, how’s the date? You should save yourself and leave now.” Looking to Darcy for her reaction. She is silent and confused. The boy, now stuttering to find a good comeback or some means to finding out who I am. Ignoring him I turn to Darcy, “I’ve been hearing that you’re talking a lot about me these days.”

Not that I would actually do this, I saw her car there tonight and daydreamed on the way home the story. wanted to write it down.

Darcy, Though you will never read this, I want you to know that you are stupid. When we met I made so many sacrifices to make you happy, and you took advantage of me. Since I left you, I have treated you like shit… and I see you often, and always get a reaction from you even doing nothing. To hear that you are telling all your friends that I’m the best that you’ve had and what you would do to go back and do things right. Stop being stupid, keep that shit to yourself. Open your eyes, stop taking advantage of people, someone might actually care about you (if its possible to stick with a schizophrenic, bi-polar, obsessive compulsive bitch for as long as I did).

What’s New

So I’ve had some inspiration this last week to work on my table. I don’t think of myself as an artist at all, just like to try things out when I get bored. At the present I’m doing a Mexican inspired Day of the dead mural on one side of the table. When I get done drawing it out I might color it in before clear coating it. Here are the pics.